no monsters allowed

Well, it's been awhile....

2009-04-02T13:07:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's been awhile.

First off - in case you didn't know - I'm pregnant. Right now I'm about 21+ weeks.

Secondly, I've been dealing with some scary health things that have added a lot of stress to our family's life. I've tried to laugh about it as much as possible - but there are some days when the pain and exhaustion gets me down.

If you haven't been following my strange saga, this is what I posted to my LLL group for informational purposes about a month ago:

I haven’t been posting much these past two months as I’ve been dealing with the strangest thing that I thought I’d share with all of you. I have an auxiliary nipple (looks more like a dark scar, really) under my arm in the Tail of Spence (edge of mammory glands). When I was 2 months pregnant I began to leak a little bit of milk for several days under my arm. That little leak stopped but bacteria must have seeped in and I ended up with a massive infection under my arm – identical to late pregnancy/post pregnancy mastitis in the actual breast. I’ve had two ultrasounds of the mass and it is an orange sized hard mass of infected tissue. My OB tried the traditional antibiotics for mastitis (Dicloxacillin) but that didn’t help. My surgeon tried to lance and drain the infection, but that didn’t work either. If anyone has had mastitis, you know the pain that is felt. I had an OB appointment today and I feel like an anomaly in the world of ‘armpit lumps’ – I definitely have something not everyone has seen nor heard of. I have my 4th appointment with my surgeon next week where she will tell me if she will have to surgically cut it out or not. I am now using a heating pad under my arm all the time to try and ease the pain and, hopefully, reduce the size of the lump. The pain is either like a searing burn or a throbbing pain that radiates from my armpit down my arm and through my breast. What worried me the most was that if I do get the surgery, will I still be able to breastfeed? The answer is yes. They will only be removing the tissue and glands by the Tail of Spence. All of this has been fairly scary as this sort of thing is in the ‘unknown’ category. If you look up ‘early pregnancy mastitis’, you’ll find a lot of information about the bovine community, but not humans. I wanted to share this as before the last two months, I had no idea one could get mastitis during pregnancy, this early, nor under the arm.

Life has left me exhausted. The pain wakes me often at night and after 4 years of quasi-co-sleeping, I’m finding Doodle wakes me more than lets me sleep – his knees and elbows are sharp these days! So when evening comes around I’m just thankful my husband is home from work and I’m able to sit a bit and have him clean the dishes and play with the boys.

And this is an update after my post-operation appointment yesterday:

I am going to make this as short as possible. Today I went for my first post-op appointment with my surgeon/oncologist. What she has come to the conclusion is that I have a massive infection in my sweat glands called ‘hidradenitis’. There is a paragraph long report on the findings with some really big words but the sentence that stood out was ‘The histopathologic findings are most consistent with granulamatous lobular mastitis, a condition that usually appears on average 2 years after pregnancy, in parous women ranging between 17 and 42 years of age’. Well, that’s me.

My surgeon said they found lots of ‘bugs’ in the tissue they removed. She said it was a pretty disgusting lump of stuff that she pulled out. It was a solid mass of infected yuck. I told her ‘that’s fantastic!’ and she said that’s not what she expected to hear. I told her ‘a disgusting lump of stuff’ is better than hearing the big ‘C’ word. So what normally happens once they find this type of infection is two different and super powerful antibiotics would be prescribed for this to be taken at the same time, but as I’m pregnant, that’s not going to happen. So I’m on a ‘mild’ antibiotic right now and I have another appointment next week. She extracted a lot more infected fluid from the area today with the biggest (girth) needle I’ve seen in a long time and seemed to think she’ll be doing the same next week. But she said I will be fighting this for a while and I’m to watch for more fevers over 100 degrees, redness, and pus. (I’ve had low grade fevers since this all began in January). She said my exhaustion has to do with my body trying to combat the infection. It seems as though the infection might also be starting on the other side, but we’re not sure at this time – we just have to keep an eye on it. So in the meantime, I’m to get as much rest as possible and take care of myself. Thank goodness the weather is a bit nicer and the boys can run themselves ragged outside in the backyard while I catch a few rays on my pale winter skin!

So that's what has been going on with me...

Through all that that we've tried to keep going and have a normal life. Doodle turned 5 years old and that was just amazing to think about. Snorter now has about 8 words and will be receiving speech therapy 1 day a week at our home soon.

I couldn't resist this one of Snorter's tush when he sleeps!

Doodle on his new Razor 360 - fun!!!

Me....tired and worn out but having a Batman of a time at Doodle's 5th birthday party!

2008-12-29T20:30:00.000-08:00

The boys had a wonderful Christmas. Overwhelming. But wonderful. Christmas Eve was at Grandma & Grandpa Close By's house with their cousins. Doodle was able to make it through dinner before he just 'had' to put on a costume. He's been Batman lately. Though his idea of Batman is a little crazy. He wore his Buzz Lightyear headcovering and antlers as bat ears. He has a fantastic imagination!

Snorter just looked cute as he was - from the beginning of the evening to the end.

This was one of the first photos on Christmas Day.

Snorter got a car playset from Grandma and Grandpa Far Away.

Doodle got a pirate ship from Grandma and Grandpa Far Away.

Snorter loves his big brother!

Thoughts on our Political Cesspool

2008-10-22T14:43:00.000-07:00

I suppose I wouldn't be a very good American if I didn't pay attention to the political hub-bub surrounding me on a daily basis. I have two thoughts on all this chaos.

Number One:
Children are NOT a billboard for your politcal beliefs. Do NOT have your children wear shirts, hats, etc. endorsing the political candidate you, as an educated adult, are voting for.

Number Two:
Unless you run a political business, a place a business is NOT a place to advertise who you are voting for. I just visited a website with very cute clothing for children and there was a lot of political bashing on their blog. Just as I despise mud slinging by candidates, I oppose the same in places of business.

2008-10-11T15:27:00.000-07:00

Sometimes all you need is a piece of black fabric, a hat, some gloves, and your kitchen broom to make a little boy happy. :)

From Our Patch to Yours...

2008-10-08T20:36:00.000-07:00

Going to the pumpkin patch is always my favorite activity during the fall. The day always begins with the great anticipation of 'will we find the best pumpkins this year?' But most of all, the day is a simple, traditional trip out to Joan's Farm in Livermore, CA.

When we get there, we take photographs in the mini patch first - a vast landscape of miniature pumpkins, just right for little hands to hold.

Then we're off to play. This year Doodle was brave again (after a two year hiatus) and rode Trigger, a pony. We looked at all the fun things; the vintage western town, the real teepee, the train made out of an oil drum and plywood, and the huge fort maze. Snorter was fascinated by all the big, round, orange things every where he looked. He kept running around in circles and trying to pick up different pumpkins!

We picked out four perfect plumply, dumply pumpkins to bring home. Upon leaving Joan's Farm, we made our annual stop at Chevy's, where, although we were tired from pumpkin picking, we managed to eat everything we ordered!

On a dreary Saturday morning...

2008-09-23T14:22:00.000-07:00

This past Saturday morning I took the boys down to the local fire station for Alameda Fire Department. To say Doodle was treated like a prince is an understatement. We were given a one hour private tour of everything with the Firestation.

My son was able to hold axes and hoses, ring bells, and wear gloves. He was allowed into all the trucks and even the ambulance. He was able to touch the IV's and see where all the emergency items were stored. He held different sizes of hose nozzles and found out how heavy they really are! He was given a tour of the station itself, from the emergency command center to the kitchen and the video viewing room. We were told that was where they watched informational videos, but we only saw a football game on the TV. We learned that OSHA does not allow poles to slide down because having a big hole in the second story floor isn't that safe. We had such a good time and were treated so wonderfully, I recommend this field trip to anyone looking for something local and free to do. (We did call ahead to make sure we could come in.)

Early Fall Musing

2008-09-17T16:06:00.000-07:00

As school gets back under way, I am always struck by parents all of a sudden moving in 'fast forward.' Last week I was with several women from San Francisco who all were concerned as to what after school activities their children would attend. Everything from Lacrosse (for a 1st grader!) to the standard music and soccer programs. One woman, almost guiltily, admitted that she and her children did next to nothing all summer and would probably be moving into fall the same way. I didn't think much of all this until two days ago when I picked the boys up from school and as I laughed and told the boys we had to 'hurry home to relax!', my daycare provider stopped me and said this was one of the reasons she has always liked me. Evidently my philosopy of raising children coincides with hers. In a nutshell, that would be: Let children be children.

I pick up the boys from daycare by 12:30 each day on my way home from work. We come into the house, drop our things and proceed to enjoy our home. We might hang out in the playroom (once known as the 'dining room') or go to the backyard. Then I'll make myself lunch and watch the boys play. Snorter takes his nap soon thereafter and Doodle and I proceed to veg out. Watch a movie, play with toys, or do something creative. Last week I taped a huge piece of butcher paper to the table and it has been our evolving table-cloth for the past 5 days. Each day there are more stickers and drawings on it. Yesterday, Doodle watched The Wizard of Oz for the first time and is now a confirmed fan of what he calls 'The Show About the Little Girl and Toto.' I don't have the heart to explain to him that Judy Garland wasn't so little when she made that movie. Today Doodle created 3 gorgeous paintings on his easel. I've decided at least one of them will be coming to work with me to hang by my desk.

I sit here this afternoon and am happy I'm not having to race my children to different activities around the island. Although I am thinking of signing him up for a Saturday morning class of either Soccer or music, I am thrilled I get the week-day afternoons just to ourselves.

My Nemesis

2008-07-14T16:50:00.000-07:00

This is my problem. It follows me all around the house. I tell myself that if I put it all on the table then I'll slowly clear off the table, one piece of 'whatever' at a time and put it where it belongs. And I do this. Almost daily. But even though I put several things where they are supposed to go around the house, each day new items appear. Whether it's the mail, items my mother drops off that I 'must' read, crafts Doodle brings home from school - they all add to the pile.

I crave to be like my long time, and best friend, Cecelia (I think this is the name she used to choose in High School Spanish class each year.) If she is looking for ANYTHING, she can walk into her office, pull out a folder or a box and it's RIGHT THERE. I don't necessarily wish I had her organizational system, I just wish everything had a spot. I wish once I found a spot for the things in my problem pile, that new things wouldn't appear, looking at me each day, wondering when they, too, will have a 'home.'

The Firebird

2008-07-13T14:42:00.000-07:00

Doodle has an amazing imagination. In his world, anything can be a train. My favorite train is when I'm putting laundry away and he grabs a hanger and pushes it around the room. The hook that hangs the hanger is the smoke stack and he hollers away 'chooo chooo!' as I try to finish up chores. Any vehicle we get into could be the train of the day. Even carrots could be a train if he feels like it. But today, while we were attempting to clean up the kitchen, Doodle cut the top off the Ziplock baggie that held all his markers together. Although I was frustrated that he wasted a perfectly good plastic storage bag, I told myself not to get angry. I told him that what he did was fine, just keep cleaning. Well, the little stinker didn't continue to help. He grabbed the clip we put on cereal bags after they're opened and he clipped it onto the piece of plastic he cut off the baggie and 'The Firebird' was born. That was this morning at 8:30am. It's now 3pm and he's still playing with his Firebird. It's just one of those days I question the amount of money we spend on toys.

Doodle with The Firebird. The cat was not impressed with the wings flapping in her face.

Here is Snorter in an adorable H&M outfit given to him by my cousin, Jennifer.

Clothes of the Day

2008-07-11T08:43:00.000-07:00

Because I have such a love for children's clothing, I thought I'd post certain outfits my children wear that make me smile when they're worn.

Doodle's Outfit:
Hanna Andersson Shirt, Papo D'Anjo Shorts, Crocs Shoes

Snorter's Outfit:
Oilily shirt and shorts set given to him from my friend Susan, Rileyroos shoes

Olive Juice

2008-07-07T19:26:00.001-07:00

A friend of mine once said, “I’d love to take out all the clothing I’ve bought for my children and just roll in it with happiness!” Her sentiment makes me giggle with appreciation and giddiness. I love children’s clothing. I love the joyfulness and free spirit children’s clothing represents. I love the images that appear in my mind when I look at an outfit. Looking at items of clothing, I imagine all the wonderful things my children could do. Will my son learn how to fly a kite in ‘that’ shirt? Will my baby be walking when he wears ‘those’ pants? What it boils down to, is I love the concept of children being children when they wear their clothing.

Recently I read an article which stated a very old and established children’s clothing brand had hired a new modern clothing designer known for his women’s lines. The article made a reference to his idea of bringing his adult concepts ‘shrunk down’ into miniature versions of his signature styles. To say that I was disturbed by this announcement was an understatement. Although I was reading this in a business publication, I am, in the end, a consumer.

It is because of this ‘mini-me’ mindset so many children’s clothing brands have adopted that I am constantly turning to Olive Juice for my children’s clothing. I have been told many times that dressing boys is much easier than dressing girls. Dressing either gender has its difficulties. Looking at the clothes on the market today for both genders, it is a constant battle to find items that are completely age appropriate. One thing in particular I love about Olive Juice is their lack of graphic designs and wording on their clothing. I love knowing I can put an item of their clothing onto my children and, not only will they look like children, but they won’t have advertising for another company blazoned across their chest or tush. I know their pants are going to fit well and I won’t have to worry about people at the park knowing what sort of underwear my son is wearing because his pants are falling down. I know my sons will always be comfortable in their clothes from Olive Juice. Their fabrics are wonderfully soft and easy to play in. And to my children, that’s what it’s all about. Being a child and playing.

Thank you, Mary Ellen & Olive Juice, for your wonderful clothing my children live in every day. Although I cringe to think of the coming day my eldest and very tall son will have grown out of your clothing, I relish each day I have of him as a child. He will be grown up before a blink of an eye and I am thankful your company isn’t hurrying him along.

Home.

2008-07-07T15:00:00.000-07:00

We live in a strange and wonderful place. America.

My Vintage Baby

2008-06-11T20:54:00.001-07:00

We're almost to summer vacation. I can't wait for Friday the 13th - last day of school!!! And then on to 'operation: better my life!' As usual I have lots of plans for the summer and it will be interesting to see what actually happens when the end of August rolls around.

In the meantime, I have my newly found passion in the world of vintage baby items. Whether the items are truly vintage, or made to look vintage, I'm hooked. My boys are falling under my spell and have had to undergo several 'costume changes'. Doodle had the opportunity to wear my father's childhood sailor outfit. Snorter has been dressed in my internet finds.

Snorter's first birthday party will have the theme 'vintage baby' and I'm gearing up with ideas to decorate the house and to have a few 1940's items hanging around. All this for just a family get together? Yes. And I can't wait!

A Perfect Day

2008-05-12T20:29:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Mother's Day. The boys let me sleep in, sort of. They forgot to turn off the monitor in the bedroom when I was sleeping, so I was awakend by comotion in the house, heard through the monitor. As I creaked my bones awake, the boys quietly stole into the bedroom and surrounded me with hugs and kisses, wishing me a Happy Mother's Day. M greeted me with a warm, white mocha and a kiss. Perfect! I was given wonderful cards - Doodle drew wonderful designs for me and Snorter gave his first 'signature' ever. The boys picked out two plants for the yard for me - they are beautiful. We had a fabulous breakfast and then M did a few "honey do's" around the house. Who knew I could be so excited to finally have a hook for my cowgirl hat? The day went on - smoothly - it was wonderful. We didn't have any big plans, we didn't go out of town, the day was just perfect.

Today I finally got started on my rompers - a project I haven't quite determined which direction I'm taking. At this point I am just making them for people I know, but if I decide to sell them, I will finally be on the selling side of Etsy. I am very pleased with my first romper. And although there are a few kinks to iron out, I think it came out wonderful.

all boy

2008-04-27T15:53:00.000-07:00

We had a good weekend...

...even the squirrel who steals our olives was relaxed.

a place of one's own

2008-04-21T14:57:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there was a girl...a seamstress in fact... who won first place for a gown she sewed at the county fair. She sewed her way through college and graduate school, even working at a fabric store.

Years passed and life took her by storm. Then the storm calmed, and although the sewing machine was heaved out of the closet on occassion, the girl preferred to spend time with M. Along came two little boys and the girl began to make more domestic type items: curtains, dresser scarves, pillows, crib sheets... But the sewing machine was so heavy and it was very difficult to set up the machine with little boys around.

So a space was made in the garage for the girl. A small space, for not much room was needed. A space just for her and her craft. M bought the girl a new machine - lightweight and smooth. Now when the girl hears the soft purring of her baby as he naps and sees her eldest content, she is able to sneak out to her space for just a few moments to play.

Thank you M.

The still of the quiet

2008-04-19T09:22:00.000-07:00

This is a very strange weekend. I am home alone with Snorter. And the cat. M has taken Doodle to Southern California to see his Grandma and Grandpa Far Away and attend a wedding on the beach in Malibu.

Two factors kept me at home. The first being I am desperate to find some sort of sleep schedule for Snorter and a 6 hour car ride to a new place wouldn't have helped at all. The second being I don't know either of people getting married. Had I known them (at all!) I would have struggled and brought a 10 month old to the evening wedding and gotten no more than 3 hours sleep at a time for 72 hours. But as things are what they are, I stayed at home.

It's quiet. Snorter is happily playing. Rather, he's being a 'tornado' and tearing up our make-shift play area. Grandma Close By will be coming over shortly to watch Snorter while I go to Dream Dinners and make our meals for the next month.

Still, it's quiet. It's odd not to have the constant ramblings of Doodle surrounding me. I spoke with him this morning and a moment of the conversation went thusly:

Doodle: Hold on a second.

Mommy: huh?

(Doodle in background: Be quiet, you're too loud, I can't talk on the phone!)

M: Hello?

Mommy: What's going on?

M: Doodle told everyone to be quiet, he couldn't hear you.

Doodle (picks up other phone in house): Okay, I'm back.

Mommy: Well, Hi!

When did Doodle start talking like Mommy on the phone? Is he growing up too fast? I can't wait to hold him in my arms again on Sunday evening. Until then, I will watch Snorter with wonder as each second passes and he learns something new.

I miss my guys. Come home soon.

my life - by definition

2008-04-16T15:00:00.000-07:00

We do not own a car. I am not saying we don't have transportation, but we do not own a car. Between my husband and I, we own 4 trucks. Okay, we own 3 trucks and a Sport Utility Vehicle. A Suburban. So, as I was saying, we do not own a car.

I have been thinking a lot about this lately and I feel as though I'm subconsciously not going as many places as I used to because of our lack of an economical vehicle. The Suburban is mine. I enjoy it. It fits EVERYTHING including the kitchen sink. AND we can tow a trailer(another blog - another time). But it has a 40 gallon gas tank and these days it costs $140 to fill. My visits to the city are now far and few between.

This past weekend I didn't leave our home and although I did many necessary things around the house, it was very odd to realize on Sunday evening, as I walked over to say hello to several of my neighbors standing outside, that this was the first time since Friday I had left my actual property.

This brings me back to my original thought. We do not own a car and I drive a Suburban. My mode of transportation defines me. I am a Suburban woman, a Suburban wife, and a Suburban mommy. I live in, what many would consider, a type of Suburbia. It's my life. And I love it.